Happy Halloween

Sick of the children at your door begging for candy? The yearly news story about getting rid of trick or treating, and how it's all Satan's fault? Well why in Satan's Hell else would you be here with your friends at Elf Wax?

Check out some of these SPOOKY web sites.

FIVE PICS OF THE DEVIL

YOU ARE CONSTANTLY BEING FOLLOWED, NO MATTER YOUR PROFESSION!!!!



PLAY ON REPEAT FOR NEVERENDING HELL


Sorry.

This one's on me, Roajoke.

Now, I don't normally do this. Hell, I never do this. But if anyone's got the right make fun of Roanoke, it's either a current or former citizen. NOT some wackjob from Tucson, Arizona! They can't even spell Tooson right.
Lost? You should be. Here's the deal. Dolla Billz came across this lovely article, describing the journalistic abilities (or lack thereof) of one Jennifer Waddell, a former reporter in Roanoke. Oh, did I mention that she's smokin hot on TV and even hotter in person? Hell, in journalism that's like 85% of the job. Now, this article, posted by some crazed, no-life at a gay people community in Arizona, bashes Ms. Waddell for being biased and prejudice because of blah blah blah. What struck my rage vein was this quote:

"Perhaps that kind of biased and prejudicial reporting worked in Ms. Waddell’s native Roanoke, Virginia, but I hope she has learned that in Tucson it is not acceptable."

Nah dude, I think not. Not while there is a Ronald W. Nitro on this planet will this shit fly. No one from Arizona is going to bash Roanoke nor (more importantly) Roanoke goddess, Jennifer Waddell like that. He should be thanking Heaven that she even moved out there. But that's not my point. Point is good ol' Kent Burbank, for mentioned douche, got a nice ragemail from me. "Will ya post it?" Pleeeeeeease. Who do you think I am? Dick Cheney?

This is in response to your lovely, childish post, "Wingspan Responds to Jennifer Waddell's Sensationalistic Journalism."
First of all, you need a hobby or something if a simple news story causes this type of child-like behavior, I.E. you calling for everyone to email, call, and bother her at any expense to complain. Get a life, dude.
Secondly, I'm not one hundred percent in love with the tone of this statement:
"Perhaps that kind of biased and prejudicial reporting worked in Ms. Waddell’s native Roanoke, Virginia, but I hope she has learned that in Tucson it is not acceptable. We hold our journalists to higher ethical and journalist standards." - Yourself.
What're you implying sir? What did Roanoke do to you? Did I miss something or is Roanoke the biased and prejudice capital of America? Do you recognize your contradiction here? You post a full article criticizing Ms. Waddell's "prejudice" and then you lower yourself to the same level by assuming that Roanoke is a Mecca to prejudice values simply because Jennifer Waddell used to be a reporter there. Shame on you, Kent. If there was "Wingspan" type community for the citizens of Roanoke, you'd be on their list, pal! Why don't you give me YOUR personal cell phone number so I can call and harass you for being prejudice? How's that sound?
Two wrongs don't make a right, you hypocrite. Just because there's no cacti in VA doesn't mean you have to jump to conclusions. And by the way, just for your information, I've met Jennifer Waddell in person when I was living in Roanoke, and she's so beautiful that she could turn any gay guy straight. Maybe next time, open your eyes, close your ears, and please, for the internet's sake, turn off your computer. For good. That's all... for now.

You're welcome.
Ronny Nitro

More on this story as it develops. Hopefully.

Puntball for All

Welcome to Puntball, internet. The Game, the legend.

# of players needed: 2 - Infinity.
Rule's are simple. Player 1 tries to punt a basketball over or in between two power lines. 1 point for clearing the lines, 2 for in between. If the ball makes contact with a wite, the punt is null and void. Behind a certain line lays the +1 zone, which works like a 3-point zone, adding one point to the punt.
Here's where it gets saucy: The player(s) not punting stand on the opposing side of the lines, trying to catch the ball to deem the punt "out".
In the event that a player can catch his own punt before the ball passes the wires, a re-punt will be rewarded. If after, an extra point will be rewarded.
The players rotate in order until one reaches 11(or however many) points and the game ends.

My favorite summer game. Soon to be seen in the Olympics for sure. Enjoy!

Bigfoot, imaginary or Communist?

Bigfoot, according to believers, would be the largest Ape known to man. How then could they elude detection for so long? How do these creatures survive without leaving a mark on the environment? The perfect answer to the Bigfoot question is beneath our noses, and has been all along. Bigfoot is a communist. Somewhere, probably in a cave, a commune of Bigfoots are leading a simple life, helping each other out, and not leaving a trace. There is just no other way that a population of enormous apes could survive in today's world without succumbing to the evils of communism. I suggest that Bigfoot populations may actually be devolved hippie populations, which have grown hairier and smellier, and may in fact be the sole provider of drugs to America. After winning the war on drugs, how am I so blazed right now? It's as simple as this: Bigfoot is a Communist.

Dick Means Business

Silly Mahmoud should know we are the only country allowed to have nukes.

Cavemen. Neo-Con Propaganda?

How does a 30 minute commercial sound? Awesome, right? Featuring Nintendo Wii and Car insurance-slinging cavemen! Well, they don't talk about car insurance, but they ARE weird, invasive, creepy, and always say really inappropriate things. LOL!

The cavemen actually buffoon "liberal" ways of life. We have 3 cavemen: one is a creep, one's a metrosexual stoner mooch, and the other is a perfectly good guy, but oops, he dates a different Genus. "Keep your Penis in your Genus" LOL!!

Well, what else did you expect from a TV COMMERCIAL SITCOM? Yes it has the "we're socially awkward" humor that you love from the commercials. But it boils down to a mockery of people that exist in real life, and at times borders on a modern-day Blackface routine.

It's a miserable failure at dry humor and all the characters are easy to hate.

Plus, this creep is a caveman: